Are you stuck in a relationship that just isn’t right, but you aren’t willing to risk ending it because you’ve convinced yourself that the person can change? Maybe you’re taking on some of the blame of the relationship not being ideal or maybe you have a fear of being alone or starting over.
Maybe you even know that you’re settling and that you deserve better, but your emotions are conflicted. These emotions may deter you from breaking the relationship off, because you somehow convince yourself that you won’t find someone else to put up with your flaws or that you’re terrified of being alone for a long time. Maybe it’s easier to be in a mediocre relationship than it is to “divorce” the person you’re with because it’ll get complicated when someone has to find a new place to live or discuss joint parenting rights to your sweet dog that you purchased as a couple.
Realistically what is all comes down to is your irrational fear of starting over and being alone. More often than not, this fear will cause people to settle in a relationship rather than pursuing something better. Those who are fearful of being alone will choose to stay in stagnant relationships rather than face being alone.
No one should have to settle for less than they deserve in a relationship. Everyone deserves to be ridiculously happy in a relationship. There is no argument that every relationship will be tested and that they won’t always be so glamorous, but if there is happiness, the relationship is ideal. Everyone’s reasoning behind settling is different, but it’s safe to argue that past relationships have a lot to do with the outcome of future relationships. For instance, if you were used to be rejected and you finally find someone who doesn’t reject you, it can be terrifying leaving that all behind just to possibly face rejection all over again.
Of all of the difficult experiences people face in life, being alone can be one of the hardest. Today, our generation doesn’t know how to be alone and aren’t happy when they are. Most people fear being alone and will avoid it at all costs which lead to these superficial relationships that clearly only exist because of your fear of being alone. Most people are more in love with the concept of a great relationship than the person they’re in the relationship with.
Unfortunately couples will confess to being in relationships that they even know they shouldn’t be in but they rationalize why they remain in them. For instance, they may argue that “she takes care of me, she’s faithful and cooks me meals every night” or “he massages my feet after a long day in the office” and such statements only exist because they’re defending the relationship that they know very well they shouldn’t be in.
Whatever the real reason is or even the superficial one is that you tell yourself, there are signs that you are indeed settling for less than what you deserve in a relationship:
- You find that you have become a different person because of your significant other. You’ve lost touch with your goals, dreams and values, and you’re sense of self is no longer existent. You also realize that you’re the only one who had made changes, and you’re significant other hasn’t done anything to change them-self to make the relationship more cohesive.
- The relationship has done nothing but bring you done and your significant other doesn’t inspire you or push you to be a better person. They may also be very judgmental of you and criticize you. They just don’t support you anymore.
- You find that you’re actually in a very emotionally or maybe even physically abusive relationship. You realize that you’ve been keeping this part of your relationship private from your friends or family and even find that you’re coming up with excuses for your significant other.
- You suspect that he/she is cheating on you or he/she is cheating on you, but they either deny it or apologize profusely and you believe or forgive them.
- You’ve sacrificed too much. You’ve changed who you are to make your significant other happy but have lost your true self in the process.
- You tell yourself that if you stick it out, they’ll eventually change. If you have been in a relationship for a while and the individual hasn’t changed even after multiple attempts of asking them to change, they probably aren’t going to change.
- You’re comfortable in your relationship, and you tell yourself that you just don’t want to start over. Most of us have been in a relationship like this, and the level of comfort makes it harder to get out.
- You’re only staying in the relationship because the sex is great. Sadly individuals will prolong the inevitable demise of their relationship because they enjoy the sex too much. What they don’t realize or choose not to accept is that there will be other individuals that match up or are better than their previous partner in bed.
- You tell yourself that you’re too committed because you’re either engaged or married. It’s never too late to be happy. Don’t let the fear of a broken engagement or divorce deter you from being happy.
- You refuse to see your partner with someone else. The thought of them wrapped in someone else’s arms terrify you, but you aren’t happy in their arms, so don’t let that stop you. You’ll realize why it didn’t work out with them when you’re happy in someone else’s arms.
There are several more reason’s why individuals settle in a relationship, but the easiest way to know if you’re settling is by asking yourself if you’re unhappy in your relationship. You may argue that your partner is the ideal partner for anyone, but they may not truly be the right person for you. It’s important to truly understand if you’re compatible with your partner. You may realize that you’re better off as being friends.
We understand that it’s not easy to confront an issue like this and really question your relationship and marriage. It’s difficult to imagine that your unhappiness may result in an unhappy ending. By confronting the issue, it can at least give yourself, as well as your partner, a chance to seek true happiness.
This confrontation you have with your partner may actually help your relationship, or it may end it and force you both to start a new life with new hopes, new dreams and with someone else.
If you’re settling, it’s better to realize it now and give yourself a shot at finding happiness.