Rest these days seems but a distant memory. With how chaotic and busy this season is, I find myself lying awake at night trying to come to grips with the past few months.
Sadness, fear of the unknown and heartache keep me up at night. Most days I struggle to find peace, but I’m learning that I must grab my Bible and start seeking scripture to help me cope.
Most days, I find myself desperately searching for Bible verses about making it through trials and tribulations, keeping hope and searching for miracles. I’m starting to learn, during this season, that if I can somehow turn my thoughts of sadness, of fear and anxiety into gratefulness, that sleep will come a bit easier.
Some nights I battle my thoughts. I wake up in the middle of the night with this overwhelming sense of sadness. Lack of sleep has robbed me of the joy of becoming a mother for a second time. It has left me a bit short-tempered and grumpy the following day, and I tend to go about my day almost in a fog. Then there are some nights where scripture is enough to find peace just long enough for me to drift off to sleep.
I have found that scripture is bringing back some of the joy I have lost during this trying season. I have found that prayer, even when I’m mad or upset, still brings a sense of calm in an otherwise nasty storm.
I have begun writing scripture down in order to take back my joy and take on this season gracefully.
“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”-1 Thessalonians 5:18
I’ll be the first to admit that I have struggled to be grateful these past few months. I am grateful for my family and the birth of my second son, but I’m mad about him being born sick only to have him suffering from severe hearing loss now. I’m mad that such a little miracle has been through so much before the age of 3 months. I’m mad, as a mother, to see him going through all that he is going through. I’m mad that I’m struggling during this season.
Though I know I need to give thanks regardless of the circumstances, I’d be lying if I said I was handling it gracefully.
Here are a few ways I have been practicing thankfulness during this trying season :