Up until recently, I hadn’t been much to pray. The reason behind that it because of an unlikely string of events that began in 2007. My parents separated in April, and my mom was in a terrible accident the following Fall that had her confined to a wheelchair for months followed by endless of hours of physical therapy.I admit that I was angry. Angry at Him. I couldn’t comprehend WHY these string of events had transpired nor could I wrap my brain around the pain my family was enduring. My family had dealt with previous events but these two events were the tip of the ice-berg for me. I grew angry. I grew resentful. I stopped my evening ritual of praying and stopped attending church. All forms of worship ended the Sunday after my mom’s car accident. Occasionally, I’d pray when I needed something or if I needed to get something off my chest. It never occurred to me that He probably wouldn’t be listening (well maybe he was listening) but why would He help me? I didn’t worship Him regularly nor did I thank Him for the things going right in my life, rather I held grudges for the events from the past that had affected me deeply. More deeply than I could have ever foreseen. As I sit here typing this nearly seven years later, I sit here more educated in regards to Him, His Good and all He has to offer me. Moving forward, I realize I must learn to worship Him. If I do this genuinely, He will express his never-ending love and support for me. I’ve realized how much my life has been lacking something…but I couldn’t figure out what it was until recently. For my 28th birthday, after a discussion with a caring colleague of my hopes for finding my faith again, I received a book that they thought would help me. I opened the book that night and have been reading it ever since before bedtime. The book is titled The Purpose Driven Life- What on Earth Am I Here For? written by Rick Warren. I’m currently on my 19th day of reading this book. I have also began reading Women Living Well written by Courtney Joseph which was loaned to me by a great friend. Just from reading these books and conducting a little bit of research, it is now clear to me how much I need Him in my life.
So I pray,
“God, Lord Jesus, please help me
I desperately need You right now. I’m all wrung out and I’ve nothing left. Somehow I need You to turn things around. God, can you help me?”
I am creating a prayer journal where I will outline categories in which to focus in order of importance:
1) My Husband
2) My Child(ren)
3) My Self
My goal is to set time aside every morning or evening to conduct my worship and pray. I will read from the Bible and absorb all it has to offer me. I will learn the lessons I was born to understand. I will worship Him and pray for the things that mean the most to me. More importantly, I will embed and instill the importance, within my son (and other future children) of welcoming Him into my life and maybe in the future, I will introduce my husband to Him as well.
I’ll end with a prayer: “Without Faith no one can please God because the one coming to God must believe He exists, and He rewards those who come seeking” -Hebrews 11:6