If there is one thing I have learned to my marriage to your dad, it’s that one should never stop trying in a relationship. Oftentimes, divorce seems to be the only answer to some couples because that is easier to do than to “try” and fix the problems behind the issues within the marriage. My advice to you when you find that special woman is to never stop trying to be the best that you can be. It’s a two-way street, and one day I hope to have this talk with her.
-Remember to always say “I love you” when you part ways in the morning and before you go to bed
-Remember to hug as often as possible
-Remember to put her and your relationship first
-Remember to love fiercely and be intimate in both an emotional and physical level (lets be real, that’ll happen when you get older, and I’m not going to be one of those moms who is denial of that fact)
-Remember to compliment her even on those days when she isn’t ‘trying’
-Remember to make time for each other (try and have a date night once a week if possible)
-Remember to always encourage and never to degrade her
-Remember to not use words to hurt her during a fight–hurtful words are hard to forget
-Remember to embrace her imperfections as no one is perfect
-Remember to remind her just how much she means to you (even when you’re angry with her)
-Remember to always try to be a better partner
-Remember to keep your jealously under control (your dad is a jealous man but it’s because he cares and worries for my safety and well-being)
-Remember to get her cards or flowers on special occasions (those little things are not overrated)
-Remember to never go to bed after a fight without making up–you may regret not doing this
-Remember you are not too “manly” or proud to say you’re sorry if you’re in the wrong
-Remember to brag to your friends and/or family about her rather than bring her down in front of them
-Remember to never talk about your relationship issues with other women (the same applies to her speaking of the relationship with a man)-it’s a respect thing to each other
-Remember that when you two decide to take that next step, (marriage) keep in mind that she’s been dreaming of it her entire life ever since she was a little girl–be supportive and open-minded when it comes to planning the big day
-Remember that when the relationship gets hard, don’t give up. Every relationship has a few bumps here and there–try, try and keep trying. Do not take the easy way out.
-Remember to speak of her in the best regard in front of any children you two will have–much of what they learn, they learn from you–make sure it’s something that you would be proud of hearing from their mouths
-Remember to leave a note from time and time (you can simply say “i love you” or “have a great day”)
-Remember to not take everything too seriously- have fun, be goofy and create spontaneity in the relationship
-Remember that you chose her for a reason, don’t lose sight of that and don’t let your heart stray. You made a vow to her,to God, to your children, to your family, to your friends and to yourself
My list of advice for you could go on and on. At this point, your dad and I have only been married 3.5 years, been together 6.5 years and known each other for over eight years, but I will say that our marriage and our love for each other has continued to grow more and more each year. There are still areas in which we can both improve, and we are working continuously to “divorce-proof” our marriage while both working on being better partners to each other.
I hope that when you find “the one” you remember some of the things I mentioned. If you’re anything like your dad (which I suspect that you are), you will not disappoint us. Also, keep in mind that these things also apply to your partner. She (or he)–whatever your preference, needs to practice these pieces of advice also. You deserve the best as well.
I know this letter is random, but I thought I’d share with you what I have learned so far in our marriage.