The Passion is Gone-Now What?

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“I want love, passion, honesty and companionship. Sex that drives me crazy and conversation that drives me sane.” -Steve Maraboli

There comes a time in a marriage for many where that burning passion that brought you together in the first place suddenly, or maybe gradually, disappears.

Call it comfort, boredom, familiarity or what have you, but while some may not recognize this as an issue, others may wake up one morning only to realize that all of the passion that kept their marriage alive was gone.

Many people go into a marriage with the idea that they will live happily ever after: Cute house with a white picket fence, romantic strolls on the beach, constant and passionate love-making, conversations that last for hours with two and a half kids and a dog.  If you’re married you know full well that this fairy-tale seldom, if ever, happens.

Worst-case scenarios and the possibility of divorce aren’t often thought of when one jumps into a relationship. So, why is it that so many marriages end up passionless?

People tend to choose unhappiness over uncertainty.

One would rather settle with their spouse than choose to fight for their marriage, their love and their passion that once burned within them both. This fire does not have to be extinguished. It’s just needs a little kindling and fire-fluid to spark it again.

There are 6 principles that are critical for re-kindling the passion and energy in your marriage.

1) Grow Together Spiritually

Those that pray together, stay together. It’s safe to say that many individuals believe that there is a spiritual nature around us whether they believe in God or not. In order to grow spiritually, I mean that we should serve others, love thyself and have a burning love for others. For those who pray, try praying for your marriage, for your love and for passion.

2) Complain Less

We live in a world that is surrounded by disappointment and more often than not, we choose to complain about them instead of fixing them. It’s safe to say that complaining won’t fix them. It’s important to offer solutions to the problems we encounter rather than complain. If you take action in your marriage and in your life, you won’t have time to complain. Also, try taking the 21-day complaint-free marriage experiment. (For more on this, click here:

3) Live passionately in all that you do

There are endless ways to go live a passionate life. First, do the work you love. If you don’t love it, then quit. Secondly, serve and love others. Third, give to a cause that you care about. Lastly, do what makes you happy. It seems that we would all know our passions, but the reality is that so many people don’t take the time to think about what they are and why they’re passions of theirs.

To help discover some of your passions, ask yourself these questions: What excites me? Who makes my heart skip a beat? What stirs something deep within my soul? Who/what takes my breath away? How can I help others? How can I change the world?

If you find yourself answering those questions–those are the things you’re passionate about. Now, what you do about them is completely up to you.

4) Never stop pursuing your husband or wife

Though some may argue that men’s idea of pursuit is of the sexual nature while women would rather be pursued through time, attention and affection, I feel there needs to be some clarification. Men, relentlessly pursuing sex does not constitute pursuit, and women, men also want to be pursued no matter how long you have been together.

Think back to when you first starting dating your spouse. Recall the little notes that were left expressing words of affirmation. Recall the countless dates whether it included tickets to a sporting event or dinner and a movie. Recall the flowers or tickets to the big game for no reason. Recall the creative and intense sex.

Try rejuvenating the passion in your marriage by taking a trip down memory lane. Try dating again.

 5) Have Sex Often
There is a deep sense of contentedness one gets while having sex. The connection that is felt is on a much deeper level (no pun intended) than engaging in other activities with your spouse. When one engages in sex with their spouse, there is a physiological and psychological affects associated with arousal due to touching and kissing.
Plus, it’s fun. So just do it.
6) Take a Vacation
Go on a vacation involving only yourself and your spouse. Make sure that you disconnect from social media and spend quality time with your spouse. Get the alone time you need to talk through your differences and come up with ways to work through them. Oftentimes taking a vacation together can help reconnect and reignite feelings you may have been missing.
Make sure that you try and go on a vacation once or twice a year. Even if it’s a weekend getaway or 7-day cruise, invest in your marriage in ways that allows you to disconnect from everything and everyone else but you and your spouse.
Never get so busy that you aren’t investing in your marriage.

When reigniting your marriage, the key is to never give up on it. There will be trying times, there will be tears and arguments, but there will also be beautiful times, smiles and laughter. If you’re able to find the passion again and do things to ensure that passion stays lit, there is no reason why your marriage has to fail.

“A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.” -author unknown

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