After years of marriage, it’s so easy to get comfortable with each other and forget that there is still so much to learn about one another. Life keeps us busy and the routine of being parents and/or working a full-time job can affect the amount of conversation we have with our spouse.
Because of those factors, it’s difficult to deepen and strengthen our relationship.
You and your spouse may have known each other a long time, but even if you feel that you in fact know each other pretty well, you should partake in the following challenge.
I challenge you to engage in conversation. That’s right, conversation stemmed form asking fun, thought-provoking and deep questions.
It’s fun to hear your spouse’s answers and, although you may know a lot of the answer’s, you may find yourself surprised by some.
These questions are intended to deepen, strengthen and stretch your conversation and relationships to new heights. Some questions may be difficult to both ask and answer, but they are designed to open a honest and humbling conversation.
My husband and I sat down last night to partake in this challenge with open minds. Some of the questions were ones I came up with, while others were from other similar couples yearning to get closer to their spouse by developing their own series of questions.
I also suggest that you take time to watch a TED talk video from Mandy Len Catron where she talks about falling in love by asking a set of questions she developed. I’ve adapted and expanded on some of her questions as well as creating some of my own for you.
Here are some questions to help get the conversation started:
(NOTE: make sure the kids are in bed, make sure that there are zero distractions and that you both have a glass of wine or beer to help ease your jitters..or coffee..you can also have coffee ;))
- What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- What is your most cherished memory? Terrible memory?
- What do you value in a relationship? A friendship?
- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- If you had a hunch on how you would die, what would it be?
- Is there something that you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? Father?
- What three things do you and I have in common?
- What three characteristics or traits do you like most about me? What three do you like least?
- What is an embarrassing moment that I don’t know about you?
- What is your biggest achievement? Biggest regret?
- If you were on your death bed, would there be anything you regret not saying or doing for someone?
- If your house caught fire but your entire family got out safe-including pets- and you had the opportunity to run back into the house to retrieve ONE thing, what would it be?
- What does friendship mean to you?
- What trait to you think is most important in a friendship?
- If you could go back in time or go into the future, which would you prefer?
- If you could choose the year that you die or how you would die? Which would you choose?
- What do you want most for people to know about you when you are no longer on Earth?
- What is one thing you’d tell your children about growing up that you wish you had known?
- If you had a yacht and you had to name it after me, what would you name it?
- Do you like the way I present myself to people?
- What is the best meal that I have ever cooked for you? What is the least?
- When did you first know that you loved me?
- Who is one hero that you admire and look up to?
- What upsets you the most about the world?
- When you’re day-dreaming, what is it that you’re thinking about?
- What is one thing that God has taught you this week?
- What is one thing you’d change about yourself? How about me?
- How are we different? How are we similar?
- What is one aspect of your parents’ marriage that you want to replicated in our marriage?
- What do I do that makes you feel most loved?
- Are you satisfied or content with life right now? Why or why not?
- If you won the lottery, what would you do with the money?
- What is one thing that I’ve never done for you that you wish I would?
- What’s your favorite household chore? Your least?
- What is your biggest dream or goal in life?
- Why are your closest friends your closest friends?
- If you could collect something, what would it be?
- If you could travel to anywhere in the world, where would it be?
- How do you feel that we are with conflict resolution?
- What is one thing that you resent me for?
- If we had a theme song, what would it be?
- What is one awkward dating moment you recall of us?
- What is your favorite memory from when you were a child?
- (For husbands) When have you really needed me to take initiative on something but I didn’t?
- (For Wives) When have I felt more like a competitor than a helper/team-player?
- What should we be more disciplined in? What are we disciplined in?
- What do you love most about my body?
- If you could donate $1 million dollars to a cause, which cause would it be for?
- What is your biggest fear?
- What is one of the most annoying songs you’ve ever heard?
- If you could play a sport professionally, which sport would it be?
- Do I respect you enough?
- What’s one superpower you wish you possessed?
- If you were going to be stranded on a deserted island, what 3 books would you bring with you?
- If you had the opportunity to live anywhere in the world for 1 year, where would it be?
- If you could met one celebrity (dead or alive), who would it be?
- If there something you’re scared of telling me?
- Has unresolved conflict damaged our relationship in the past?
- Is there something you have said or done to me in the past that you wish you could take back?
After completing the challenge…
I commend you both for partaking in this experience. I sincerely hope that you both were able to walk away with something–whether it’s a better appreciation for your spouse, better acceptance for them and any flaws they may possess or a deeper understanding and love for your spouse–I’d consider that a WIN!
Remember…Corinthians 13:78 tell us that “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”