Rest these days seems but a distant memory. With how chaotic and busy this season is, I find myself lying awake at night trying to come to grips with the past few months.
Sadness, fear of the unknown and heartache keep me up at night. Most days I struggle to find peace, but I’m learning that I must grab my Bible and start seeking scripture to help me cope.
Most days, I find myself desperately searching for Bible verses about making it through trials and tribulations, keeping hope and searching for miracles. I’m starting to learn, during this season, that if I can somehow turn my thoughts of sadness, of fear and anxiety into gratefulness, that sleep will come a bit easier.
Some nights I battle my thoughts. I wake up in the middle of the night with this overwhelming sense of sadness. Lack of sleep has robbed me of the joy of becoming a mother for a second time. It has left me a bit short-tempered and grumpy the following day, and I tend to go about my day almost in a fog. Then there are some nights where scripture is enough to find peace just long enough for me to drift off to sleep.
I have found that scripture is bringing back some of the joy I have lost during this trying season. I have found that prayer, even when I’m mad or upset, still brings a sense of calm in an otherwise nasty storm.
I have begun writing scripture down in order to take back my joy and take on this season gracefully.
“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”-1 Thessalonians 5:18
I’ll be the first to admit that I have struggled to be grateful these past few months. I am grateful for my family and the birth of my second son, but I’m mad about him being born sick only to have him suffering from severe hearing loss now. I’m mad that such a little miracle has been through so much before the age of 3 months. I’m mad, as a mother, to see him going through all that he is going through. I’m mad that I’m struggling during this season.
Though I know I need to give thanks regardless of the circumstances, I’d be lying if I said I was handling it gracefully.
Here are a few ways I have been practicing thankfulness during this trying season :
#1 Remember that God is in Control
I’m a planner. I like to be in control of everything and when I can’t control the circumstances and the things happening in my life, I get anxious. I struggle with letting things go, but I know that I need to in order to find peace. That peace will ultimately come from knowing and accepting that God is in control.
I know that my husband and I are not going through these challenges solo, and I wholeheartedly believe that he is going through them with us. I also know that he will bring us through it stronger and braver than we were going into it.
#2 Keep your Joy
Keep your focus and mindset on God. He’ll bring you through the bitterness, the sadness, the anxiety you’re feeling and lead you back to joy. Remember that Satan uses these moments of bitterness or sadness to steal our joy. He’s the enemy at work, and we must push through it and walk with the Lord during the hard times.
I’m starting to learn that I can find joy in any circumstance or situation if I focus and keep my eyes on God.
#3 Learn to Forgive
I find myself holding onto grudges. I’m angry that when my son was sick, he was put on a medication that is known to cause hearing loss. I’m angry that I wasn’t told the side effects. I’m angry that my little boy was robbed of his hearing. I’m trying so hard to forgive and let go. He is essentially healthy because of the doctor’s and the medications he was on. He might not be here if it weren’t for their quick actions and for that, I am grateful. The next step is for me to forgive.
I’m learning to forgive. I’m learning to let go. I’m learning how to find joy again. It might take me a while to truly accomplish these things, but I am grateful despite these challenges, despite this difficult season, despite how busy we are and the sadness, anxiety and the unknown associated with it all.
I’m so incredibly grateful for my family, for my friends and for Jesus.
“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” -Colossians 3:15