Let’s Talk About It: Our Decision to Donate our Embryos

First and foremost, I want people to understand that just because we decided to donate embryos, it does not mean that we were ‘giving up on  our babies’.

Inconsiderate comments have been made and judgement passed surrounding our decision to donate our remaining six embryos, so I wanted to clear a few things up.

When Jason and I decided that having more children was not the route we wanted to go, we were faced with an unimaginable decision. What would be the fate of our remaining six embryos? We knew that we couldn’t keep them frozen forever yet we also knew we couldn’t afford to keep trying fertility treatments nor afford additional children resulting from treatment. We couldn’t imagine destroying them simply because our family was complete. Our only remaining option was to give them up for adoption-embryo adoption.

The years of tears, medication, frustration, pain and loss hit me like a ton of bricks at this realization. I’m sure it hit Jason pretty hard as well. We both knew that there was a deserving family out there praying for their miracle(s)-fighting for their opportunity to become parents.

I’d be lying if we didn’t feel an overwhelming sense of guilt. We still do to an extent, and I’m not sure that will ever go away. How could we let another family give birth to and raise our biological children? Would those children grow to understand that we made our decision out of love? Our hearts hurt, and we questioned whether we could find it within ourselves to be selfless.

After praying about it and talking through it, we decided that we would move forward with donating our remaining embryos. We were fortunate to match with a couple relatively close to us who had been trying to grow their family for several years without luck following the birth of their first child.

We weren’t comfortable with a closed adoption, because we wanted these children to have access to their full medical history. We wanted them to know where they came from. We wanted to see what they would look like and allow them the possibility that if one day they wanted to meet their extended family, with their parents permission and blessings, they’d have the option to meet their brothers.  We also wanted them to know that they were wanted, which is why we made the decision that we did. We could have easily dismissed them and been done with this journey by destroying them, but that simply wasn’t an option. It was never an option.

Parenthood is an incredible privilege that is unfairly denied to many, so we wanted someone else to be able to enjoy  the pure joy of easing someone else’s heartache by giving them life.

We were fortunate enough to match with the perfect family who conceived twin girls their first transfer. 

Jason and I truly feel that this decision was the right one because it gave us the necessary closure we needed. I think there is an understandable sadness associated with this decision, yet there is also so much joy. We gave the opportunity of life to a family who we were simply captivated by and felt drawn to help. Thank you God for that perfect match. It’s hard to imagine someone else giving birth to and raising our genetic children, but we praise them for their willingness to unselfishly take the opportunity with such grace, love and support.

That all said, here are 5 reasons to consider donating your embryos for those considering it.

It’s an amazing opportunity to help a couple have or grow their family: The opportunity to help another family start or grow their family was something we simply could not ignore. We wanted someone else to feel the joy around having children and becoming parents.

Make a lasting impact:  Our decision to donate our embryos has made a lasting impact on so many people including the recipients. We have spoken very publicly about our experiences so that others  might understand.

It’s truly a life changing experience: I think one of the most incredible aspects of our journey is the amount of things we learned through this process and experience. We learned more about  our strength, resiliency, faith and selflessness than we ever thought possible.

Be an advocate:  As an embryo donor, we are blessed with the opportunity to advocate for others going through infertility, loss and donation/adoption. We were able to share our journey and  let complete strangers know that they are not alone. We wanted others to experience the joy associated with the process and inspire others to not give up. We are proud to have been on this journey.

You are part of a puzzle: You basically become part of a beautifully designed puzzle. As an embryo donor, you feel as though you are truly needed and appreciated by being an important puzzle piece for another family puzzle. It’s truly a beautiful and incredible experience.

There are probably several more reasons to consider donating your embryos, but for us, one of the best feelings from their experience was truly understanding how we were positively impacting someone else’s world.

We’d like to thank our embryos recipients for allowing us to be part of this beautiful experience, and we wish them the best on their journey! They welcome two little girls into the world yesterday. Pray for them and their new additions to their family.

If you’d like to read more about when and how we found our recipients, check out this post titled the ‘Ultimate Gift’.