7 Things I’ve Learned in 7 Years of Marriage
On May 20th, my husband and I will celebrate 7 years of marriage. It’s safe to say that we have been through and seen a lot these past 7 year of marriage, yet we continue to persevere. We’ve witnessed friends go through hard times which have ended their marriage, and we’re determined to not end up a statistic. We both come from divorced parents, so when we got married, we did so knowing we’d do everything to make our marriage work. It hasn’t always been sunshine and rainbows, but there has been much more good than bad.
All that aside, here are 7 things I’ve learned in 7 years of marriage:
Get Married for the Right Reasons
Sure, there are probably a thousand reasons why marriage seems like the right choice, but I have seen people marry for the wrong reasons which results in arguments, resentment, separation and even divorce. Sometimes people marry because they’ve been together for so long that it seems right that they marry, or they have kids and decide marriage would be best for the kids. Do what’s best for you. Marry for the right reasons.
Have Meaningful Conversations
Communication is everything in relationships and communication is imperative for a successful relationship. This is especially true for those in marriages. Meaningful conversations involve having conversations discussing matters such as how you and your spouse can build on your relationship and marriage, asking how you can help and support your spouse, or how you can be a better spouse and parent. The list goes on here, but it’s important to have these kind of conversations verses conversations like “what’s for dinner”. It’s a way to stay connected with your spouse.
Make Compromises
Making compromises for your spouse and relationship is so crucial for a relationship to grow and thrive. Compromising is a not a sign of weakness, but rather it lets your spouse know that you hear them and respect their point of view and thoughts on different matters. From the individuals I know who has had a failed marriage, lack of compromise was an active culprit in the downward spiral of their relationship. Compromise where you can.
Admit When You’re Wrong
To make a marriage work, you need to give in a bit on the things that are meaningless compared to the overall picture. It’s important to do this even when you feel that you’re right because when you “win” an argument between you and your spouse, your ego is through the roof, but your spouse feels like crap. Admit when you’re wrong, and be ok with it. Your spouse and their feelings are more important than your ego.
Spend Time Apart
It’s important to pursue hobbies, activities and friendships outside of the home. You need your own life outside of your spouse and children. It doesn’t really matter what it is as long as it gives you additional meaning and purpose and you’re doing something you enjoy. Make time for it. Additionally, encourage your spouse to do the same. It’s ok to have “your own life”.
Commit
Marriage isn’t a temporary thing. It’s not a car that you lease for a few years then turn it back in when you no longer enjoy it or want something different; it’s a lifelong commitment. When marriage gets tough, you do everything you can before you turn to divorce. This might include couples therapy if need be, but I feel that oftentimes people opt out of marriage because it’s so easy to do and people give up so quickly. Just try your hardest to make it work. Commit to it for the long haul.
Family Fun vs. Fun with Spouse
Having fun with your spouse gets harder and harder through the years, especially when children are in the picture. Your efforts and energy go to your children more often than it does your spouse, and it’s critical that the fun is split between fun with your family and fun with your spouse. Fun with both is important, but time must be made for both. Focus on transforming the routine and mundane activities of everyday life into something a bit more exciting. Life is crazy busy, but if you ignore fun and don’t make it a priority, your relationship will suffer.
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My husband and I both come from divorced parents, so we know that marriage isn’t for everyone. One of my recommendations it to live with your spouse before marriage. I feel that if you live with someone before marriage, your relationship will be stronger because you have a good idea of what marriage will be like. Marriage is just a legal document after all, so living with your spouse beforehand is like a test drive.
Discuss these things with your spouse. They don’t know what you’re thinking all of the time- we can’t read minds.
Relationships and marriage are hard, but if you work at it, commit to it and nurture it, they’re totally worth it and you will succeed in your relationship. Good luck with your relationship!
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