6 Lessons I Learned From The Most Intense Year of My Life

Today is my 33rd birthday; another full trip around the sun.

This past year has been the most lift-changing and pivotal year of my entire life. I was tested in ways I never thought I’d be able to get through. It’s pretty incredible the amount of things that were thrown my way, yet here I am stronger and more laser-focused than ever. It’s safe to say that without the year and the obstacles I endured, I might have remained in the same rut I’ve been in years previously. Full of dreams without action. I’d be simply lamenting in all of the things I have yet to complete and continue to live the mediocre life I always assumed I was destined to live. I’m thankful for the curve balls thrown my way, and I’ll be forever thankful that they happened to me because I’m an entirely different person than I was this time last year.

Here are some of the life-altering moments I encountered over the past year.

• Beckett’s Cochlear Implant Surgery
  • Beckett, my youngest who was born deaf, had a major surgery to fit him for cochlear implants which would allow him the beautiful ability of sound. It was grueling 5 hour wait his father and I had to endure. We questions if what we were doing was the right thing for him. We prayed about it. We cried about it. We were terrified, yet the possibility of our son being able to hear sound was something we knew we wanted for our son. His surgery was successful and after a one night stay at the children’s hospital, Beckett was home recovering wonderfully. His entire recovery went by without any issues. His activation came and went, and although I was originally less than impressed with his reaction to sound the first time, I had to take a step back and remember that he hadn’t heard sound for the first year of his life. I look back at that day and the months since, and it’s be an incredibly journey. He is thriving and excelling in every single area. I wish I could describe how much this journey has changed us all for the better. Every moment when he experiences and hears a new sound for the first time, I nearly cry, because I’m so thankful for the gift of sound and for God’s ability to gift someone the ability to create a device that can help those unable to hear hear. I’m thankful He gifted someone the tools and the hands to conduct the surgery with such precision and thoughtfulness. I still remember the day we found out our son was deaf, and I naively thought that he’d live an entirely different life that other children. I thought I’d never be able to accommodate his needs. I thought I’d fail as a mother, but we are all thriving. We’ve adapted and we’re all learning together. As he approaches his one year surgery date, I can’t help but be extra thankful for the journey.
• Embryo Donation & Adoption
  • Right around the same time as Beckett was undergoing surgery and activation, my husband and I had finalized an embryo adoption.  We had gifted a deserving family our remaining six embryos. We closed the chapter in our life of having additional children, so we made the decision to gift them to someone, and we found the perfect couple. They underwent their procedure the day after Beckett’s surgery. To our amazement, the procedure worked and they got pregnant with twin girls who were born healthy in May this year. It was an emotional roller-coaster to say the least. We have been asked continuously how we’re doing knowing we have biological twin daughters out in the world, and the truth is that we’re doing great. They have a wonderful family to love on them. To us, we weren’t going to have anymore children, so we had 6 embryos frozen just waiting for the opportunity to be more. There was a family looking to open their heart to more children, but had problems doing just that. We remedied both of those situations, and what a beautiful outcome and journey it has been.
• Breast Cancer Diagnosis & Surgery
  • Shortly after we donated our embryos, my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had found a lump, received a biopsy and then tested positive for BCRA2 gene. Her cancer had spread and she would undergo a double mastectomy. She is still undergoing several rounds of chemo followed by radiation. A few weeks after her diagnosis, I decided to have genetic testing done. I, too, tested positive for the BCRA2 gene. From there, Jason and I decided that I should have a mammogram just to ensure I was in the clear. My mammogram took over an hour and three suspicious spots were identified. I had a biopsy on Valentine’s Day where they obtained 20 samples. I received a call around lunch time the next day telling me that the biopsy had revealed cancer. The next few days leading up to surgery was a blur. I had appointments with multiple surgeons, blood work and phone calls. The surgery was scheduled for mid-March, and I underwent a double mastectomy. My recovery was great, and in fact, I bounced back quickly. My final surgery is in mid-July, and I cannot wait to have this chapter closed. Nothing can prepare you for a diagnosis of cancer. I was fortunate mine was caught early as I didn’t have to do chemo or radiation. I will have scars and  lost-feeling for the remainder of my life, but I’m healthy and here for my family.

Because of the things that has happened the past few months, there are 6 important lessons I have learned that I’d like to share.

**

Tomorrow’s Not Promised

Life happen’s quickly. Every day I read about someone passing away unexpectedly due to cancer or a freak accident. Since my diagnosis, I’ve really worked towards living a life worth living. Fortunately for me, my cancer was detected early, but for others they might not be as lucky. When my life flashes before my eyes when it’s my time to go, I want to be happy and have zero regrets of the life I lived.

“Life is short, and it is here to be lived” -Kate Winslet

You’re Stronger than you Think

This is 100% accurate. My body went through a grueling 4.5-5 hour surgery. I was left with stitches, loss of feeling in numerous areas on my body and scars that will last a lifetime. Instead of letting those known things keep me down, I was back in the gym TWO days after having a double mastectomy with four drains attached. My workout was a brief 30 minute walk, but working out for me is the way I heal and handle the things that get me down. Because of my getting back into the gym so quickly, I bounced back stronger than ever. I’m a running machine, and I work out at least 6 times a week. I’ve completed multiple 10k runs and nearly landed 3rd in my age group in a recent race. I didn’t let my physical challenges hold me back from my fitness goals.

(Disclaimer: Please listen to your doctor before jumping back into physical activity.)

“A man doesn’t realize how much he can stand until he is put to the test. You can stand far more than you think you can. You are much stronger than you think you are.” -Martin Niemoller

Change Your Outlook

It’s easy to get hung up in all the things going wrong, and because of that they have the ability to drastically alter your mood and outlook on life. I wholeheartedly believe that because I viewed these experiences this last year as positively as I could have, that I’m better because of them. When life gets hard, it’s in those instances that so many people want to give up and throw in the towel. I chose to change my outlook, and I’m so happy I did.  It’s important to remember that you can’t change the way things are or what things happen to you, but you can change the way you look at things.

“Once you replace your negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results” -Willie Nelson

You are your Own Worst Enemy

When bad things happen, it’s so easy to blame yourself for what’s going wrong. You have two choices if these thoughts start to manifest: 1) You can forgive yourself, realize it might not be your fault and move on or, 2) You can dwell on these thoughts and create self-harming thoughts and delay the entire healing process. You need to accept the circumstances and any mistakes that have transpired and move on.

“We’re our own worst enemy. You doubt yourself more than anybody else ever will. If you can get past that, you can be successful.” – Michael Strahan

You Realize Who your True Friends Are

Challenging situations in life reveal those who matter the most and those who do not matter. True friends will stick by you through good times and tough times. They’ll help you, encourage you and be there to listen. Cherish those friends because they’re so hard to find.

“A true friend encourages us, comforts us, supports us like a big easy chair, offering us a safe refuge from the world.” -H. Jackson Brown Jr.

You Realize What Matters and What Doesn’t Matter

When you go through difficult situations, you quickly realize what matters and what doesn’t matter. Sometimes the laundry doesn’t need to be folded and put away at the same time, but rather taking your kids to the park matter most in that moment. I think we try so hard to be perfect all the time and we put more importance to things that shouldn’t and do matter as much as other things. I’ve learned, and I’m still learning, that it’s OK to have a messy home. It’s OK to leave dishes in the sink because my family matters more than those things. Life is short, so it’s important to live it intentionally each and every day.

“Almost universally, when people look back on their lives while on their deathbed […] they wish they had spent more time with the people and activities they truly loved and less time worrying about aspects of life that, upon deeper examination, really don’t matter at all that much. Imagining yourself at your own funeral allows you to look back at your life while you still have the chance to make some important changes.” 
― Richard Carlson

 

**

Life can come at us all at once, pretty quickly. Everything happens for a reason, and although sometimes those things can be challenges that some would normally break under, they’re designed to teach us something. They’re given to us to push us to grow and encourage positive change. Use these experience to change your life for the better!

I’ll leave you with one additional quote.

“Never let hard lessons harden your heart; the hard lessons of life are meant to make you better, not bitter.”
― Roy T. Bennett