Anxiety in Children: Tips and Coping Strategies to Teach Self-Regulation

I have personally suffered with anxiety since I was a teenager, and now as I see my young son deal with it, it makes anxiety even more close to my heart. I’ve been trying to better understand my own anxiety for years, but now my primary focus has shifted to better understanding anxiety in children. As an adult, I’ve gotten pretty good of coping with my anxiety through a collection of coping strategies, but now as I try to develop those same strategies for my son, it’s been more of a challenge. It’s challenging because some of the coping strategies that work for me, have ended up not working for him, which is why I have a comparably large list of coping strategies now.

If you have a child that suffers with anxiety, then this post is for you. It has tons of information on understanding anxiety in children while also sharing what it is, how it presents itself and my tips as a parent who has an anxious child. I’ve also included some great coping strategies for kids.

What is Anxiety?

According to anxiety.org, anxiety is defined as:

Anxiety is the mind and body’s reaction to stressful, dangerous, or unfamiliar situations. It’s the sense of uneasiness, distress, or dread you feel before a significant event. A certain level of Anxiety helps us stay alert and aware, but for those suffering from an anxiety disorder, it feels far from normal – it can be completely debilitating.

What are the Symptoms of Anxiety in Children?

Anxiety manifests differently in everyone and in many different ways. Some children may display a lot of symptoms and their anxiety is evident whereas other children tend to internalize their feelings making their diagnosis that much more difficult. But as a general rule children typically display one or more of the following symptoms:

stomachaches or headaches that have no medical explanation
getting extremely upset or crying over some minor
acting out beyond what might be expected in certain situations
worrying excessively about something for no obvious reason

Disclaimer: I’m not a medical professional, so if you feel that your child has any of these symptoms, it’s important to consult with their doctor.

How to Cope with an Anxious Child

Parenthood is challenging enough without trying to determine your child’s fears and phobias, so it’s important to highlight some pointers for parents. Here are a few that I’ve learned through the years and am still working on with my child.

1.) Understand What’s Best for Your Child

As I’ve mentioned, anxiety manifests differently for everyone which is why it’s important to understand how you child likes to discuss their feelings and emotions. Some children like to talk about the things that are worrying them, some children like hugs while others like to be left alone entirely. Pay attention to the things that seem to calm your child when they’re feeling anxious, so you are better able to support them.

2) Be Empathetic

When I was younger and dealing with anxiety, I felt that others just didn’t understand what I was going through, and no one seemed to understand. It was frustrating, and it made me feel alone. It’s important to keep in mind that no matter how unrealistic their fears might be, that you understand that they are very real to your child. It’s important to reassure your child that having fears are normal. I share with my anxious son examples of a time that I was anxious so I can be more relatable to him, and then I share with him how I coped with it.

3) Keep Calming Resources Readily Available

One huge thing to remember is that anxiety doesn’t just happen with the home, so when you’re traveling or away from home, make sure that you have calming tools with you at all times. My son has fidget spinners and squeeze balls that go with him to school as an outlet to help him cope when he’s feeling stressed. I typically have something in my purse at all times as well.

4) Relaxing Activities Should be a Part of your Child’s Day

Set time aside each day to relax and unwind. The more relaxed and supported your child feels, the more they’ll open up to you about the things that cause them to be anxious. For my son, he loves to read or play baseball. Those things help him to relax and feel more grounded.

5) Reduce Anticipatory Stresses

If you see that your child gets super anxious leading up to an event like taking medicine or visiting a doctor, try to find coping strategies that can help reduce that stress related to the anticipation of that event. Don’t tell them they’re taking medicine or try to conceal it. Don’t tell your child that they have a doctor’s appointment until you’re walking into the office. When you do these things, your child is less like to be anxious because they’re not going throughout their day knowing that they have to go to the doctor or take medicine.

6) Encourage them to Overcome Stressful Situations

It’s encouraged to help your child handle the things that cause them anxiety instead of encouraging them to avoid them. If we ask them to avoid them, we’re actually making their anxiety worse by allowing them to practice them which in the long turn makes the entire situation worse.

Coping Skills for Kids

Treating anxiety in children can be difficult, because most of the time we don’t understand the rationalization, if any, behind their fears. Here are some strategies I’ve come to use and continue to refine today:

1. ) Breathing Exercises

It’s relatively clear that when a child is experiencing feelings of anxiety, that their breathing will change. When a child is struggling, their breaths are short, fast and shallow which makes things worse, so it’s critical to help walk them through breathing exercises. Teach them how to breath in through their nose, holding for a few seconds then slowly releasing their breath. It helps them focus on something other than their breathing and helps them to feel more calm.

2.) Analyze the Problem

Kids aren’t always able to understand how big the problem is that is causing them anxiety, which is why it’s important to help them figure out whether their problem is large or small. Over time, they’re able to assess their problems, which then helps them to cope with them better.

3.) Physical Touch Goes a Long Way

I’ve noticed that when my son is experiencing feelings of anxiety a simple hug or bag rubs makes a world of difference. He loves when he’s laying down for bed, and I massage his back or rub his head. He has told me it helps him feel more calm and relaxed.

4.) Conduct a Sensory Check-In

This is a very popular coping strategy for children experiencing feelings of anxiety. Have them use their 5 senses (sight, sound, smell, touch & taste) to discuss their surroundings. Ask questions like, “What do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell”. The entire point of this exercise is to allow your child to focus on the sensory input they’re receiving from all around them and helps take their thoughts off what whatever is making them anxious. I’ve included some sensory toys that may help with this.

5.) Help them Understand their ThoughtsThoughts. They’re just that. Typically the thoughts they’re experiencing aren’t real and they certainly cannot hurt them, which is why is important to encourage them to get ride of those thoughts by “throwing them away.” I’ve introduced the “Worry Tree” where they can write down whatever their fear is on a bird and put it on a tree. I encourage my son to color the bird and the tree making it more personalized to them and their thoughts. It helps him have a greater, realistic feeling of control.

6.) Count it Out

When your child is experiencing feelings of anxiety, simply have them count to 20. Typically the fact that they have to focus on something, helps them to focus which in turn helps them to become more calm. Another thing you could have your child do it to recite the alphabet backwards.

7.) Think Happy Thoughts

One of the easiest ways to help your child work through their feelings of anxiety is to help them think happy thoughts. My son loves baseball and history, so I can help redirect his feelings and thoughts to those things. That typically helps.

I don’t claim to have it all figured out, but I’m actively seeking out new ways to help my child cope with his anxiety. Additionally, I’m working every day to to figure out what truly helps him as well.