How To Make Difficult Conversations About Your Relationship Problems Easier On You Both

It’s never easy talking about relationship problems with your partner. It can be intimidating, scary and down right not fun. One good thing that can come from having difficult conversations with your spouse is learning how to effectively communicate with your partner because it is essential if you want your relationship to last.

Here are 5 tips on how to make difficult conversations about relationship problems easier on you both:

1. Everything Is Going to Be Ok

First and foremost, the most important thing to remember is that everything is going to be ok. Yes, difficult conversations might bring up pain and discomfort for one or all involved in the conversations. Some hard feelings might be had and tears might also be shed, but in the long-run, everyone is going to be okay.

Pain and discomfort is part of the growing process. The conversation that you and your partner will have is also part of the growing process. Ultimately, the growing process is the end goal.

2. Let go of Projected Outcomes

When you are planning on having a difficult conversation with your spouse, there are many outcomes and reactions you start visualizing, and I’m here to tell you that you need to let those projected outcomes and reactions go.  Those reactions and outcomes are going to be all over the place, and ultimately we have no idea what will happen. We can’t assume that a certain outcome will happen, so stop with the assumptions. Let go of the projected outcomes as we have no control of it anyways.

3. Listen, Listen, Listen

This is one of the most important part of this topic. Listening to your spouse and truly taking in what they are saying is so important because if active listening isn’t taking place, valuable information is missed. Reflective listening is a great way to ensure your partner that you’re paying attention. By following up after a point by saying something like, “I hear what you’re saying….” or “I understand, and I get that..”. Using words, phrases and statements such as these lets your spouse feel heard, empathized with and validated.

It’s also a great reminder that when one doesn’t feel heard, it leads to anger, frustration and can lead to one or both spouses shutting down during a time when they should be communicating.

4. Time and Place is Everything

Try to be conscientious of where you are and the timing of when the conversation is to be brought up is crucial. Choose a time that will be less stressful and a place that will be more relaxing with less eyes. The best place for that is in the comfort of your own home away from strangers.

5. Do NOT Attack One Another

This one is a hard one. The overall goal is to have an effective and difficult conversation, so it’s so so important to not attack your partner. I struggle with this as does my partner, so we have to both work extremely hard to allow each other to both explain our point of view without interrupting each other with what I like to describe as ‘personal attacks’. These little personal attacks can only lead to further argument, resentment and for one or both of you to shut down.

Even though these conversations can be tough, they can be easier if you are mindful of incorporating these 5 steps into those discussions. Having these type of conversations are important for your relationship to grow, so by ensuring you’re doing them the right away, your relationship is more likely to sustain the test of time.