How to Talk to Your Kids About School Shootings and Violence

It’s one of the hardest conversations parents can have with their kids—how to prepare for the possibility of violence at school without overwhelming them with fear. As much as we wish our children didn’t have to know these things, talking about it can give them tools, confidence, and reassurance.

Start with a Calm, Honest Conversation

Your child will take cues from your tone. Speak calmly and age-appropriately, acknowledging the reality without going into unnecessary detail. For younger kids, keep it simple: “Sometimes schools practice safety drills to make sure everyone knows what to do in case of danger.” For older kids, you can share more context and invite them to ask questions.

Reassure Them About Safety

Children need to know that adults are working to keep them safe—teachers, principals, and law enforcement. Share that schools have safety plans and practice drills not to scare them, but to help them know what to do. Reassurance helps balance the fear that can come with these discussions.

Teach Them What They Should Do

Every school has different procedures, but the general rules are:

Listen to teachers and adults – Following instructions can make a big difference.
Stay quiet and calm – Silence can help keep everyone safe.
Find cover – Hiding in a safe place is often the best choice if instructed.
Run if safe – If there’s a safe path away from danger, moving quickly away from it may be best.
Tell an adult – If they ever hear or see something concerning, they should speak up.

Use language like, “Your job is to listen to the adult in charge and do your best to stay safe.”

What They Shouldn’t Do

It’s just as important to explain what not to do:

Don’t try to be a hero – They shouldn’t confront anyone or go back for belongings.
Don’t spread rumors – Encourage them not to share unconfirmed stories that may cause fear.
Don’t freeze if they know what to do – Remind them it’s okay to act quickly when needed.

Encourage Questions and Emotions

Kids may ask tough questions: “Could this happen at my school?” or “What if I can’t find you?” Be honest but reassuring. Let them know it’s okay to feel scared or sad, and remind them you’re always there to listen.

Keep the Conversation Ongoing

This shouldn’t be a one-time talk. Check in after school drills, after news stories, or when you sense your child feels anxious. Regular conversations normalize the idea of safety planning without making it overwhelming.

Balance Safety with Hope

End every conversation by reminding them that school is still a safe place, and that most people go through their entire lives without ever experiencing this kind of violence. Encourage them to focus on learning, friendships, and the joy of being a kid.

School Safety: Do’s and Don’ts for Kids

✅ Do’s

Listen to teachers and adults – Follow directions right away.
Stay quiet and calm – Silence helps keep everyone safe.
Find cover – Hide in a safe spot if instructed.
Run if safe – If there’s a clear path away from danger, move quickly.
Speak up – If you see or hear something worrying, tell an adult you trust.

❌ Don’ts

Don’t try to be a hero – Never confront or approach someone dangerous.
Don’t go back for belongings – Things can be replaced; you can’t.
Don’t spread rumors – Sharing untrue stories can cause fear.
Don’t freeze if you know what to do – Remember your training and act quickly.
Don’t ignore your feelings – It’s okay to feel scared. Talk to a parent, teacher, or counselor.