I’m exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally. There really isn’t an adequate description for the weariness that lies within my bones.
I’m tired from being strong or rather acting strong. and from being everything to everyone else.
I never set out to be this type of women, yet it seems through the unrealistic expectations I have set in place for myself (and partially due to society’s) and my inability to be willing to let others down, I now stand here worn-out, lost and wondering how I got here.
The biggest irony is that when others look at me, they see me as a strong, supportive and unwavering woman who is competent and able. Yet inside, I’m shaking. My inner core is shaking.
Everyone sees all that I have been through and are shocked at my seemingly strong stance on it all, but within, I’m broken.
I try daily to correct this. Every single day.
Yet, even with the dark circles and bags beneath my eyes, slumped shoulders and the very definition of exhaustion plastered across my face, I get up to take on another day.
I take a deep breath. Everything will be OK. It always is.
I suppose that I have tried to create this persona of strength and self-sufficiency even before I was old enough to understand what being a strong, independent woman even meant. I think my past has helped define that for me. I have been through some things that will never bring themselves to the surface, yet those things have molded me into who I am today, both in positive and negative ways.
The truth is, everyone needs help. We try so hard to convince ourselves that we’re capable of handling everything including being a mother, a wife/spouse, a friend, an aunt, a daughter and career driven businesswoman so much so that we truly convince ourselves we can take it all on.
We can’t. We weren’t created to be able to take it all on.
I am not Wonder Woman. Neither are you. We need to stop trying to convince ourselves that we are.
We all need to understand that there is absolutely no shame in needing someone. There is not fault in admitting that we can’t do is all by ourselves.
I’m tired of trying to live up to the idea that I can do it all. I’m simply tired of being strong all of the time. I’m tired of masking it.
I’m done with pretending that I am so formidable.
I want to be taken care of also. Not financially either. I want someone who can hold me not matter the storm I trudged through that day without judgement.
I want to apologetically be me. The real me. The one with the messy home. The one with the un-brushed hair and unpolished nails. The one wearing mismatched socks and still wearing yesterdays make-up.
I’m tired of playing the charade of feminism and what we “should” be.
I’m not downplaying who we are or what we rightfully deserve as a woman, but there is something to be said about wholeheartedly embracing who we are and what is only natural for us.
Instead of trying to just smash the glass ceiling and overcome what is unfortunately still working against myself and others, I want to be happy. I want to simply love and be loved for who I am.
I’ve always been great at wearing a veil to mask how I was truly feeling to the point that everyone eventually believed me. But, what that did to me was open a sore within my heart that only backed up what I was already feeling. I needed to stop faking it.
I could only fake it for so long.
I’m done with it. I give up. Things will change. It has too.
Your post is like poem. Words have deep meaning. Mismatched socks 😀 I can so relate 🙂
Aw! I feel you at this moment. We have similarities when it comes to hiding feelings because this is one of my weaknesses but all we have to do is change! and make a new beginning go girl we can do this!!
really appreciate your very personal sharing here, you will be all right & all will sure be fine. thanks for sharing this. let’s enjoy every moments in life. cheers, siennylovesdrawing
truly agreeing with some of the points in this sharing here, suggest to have and enjoy some me time on and off to reenergise. It may help ya. enjoy every moments in life. cheers, siennylovesdrawing
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s tough when you’re feeling overwhelmed and things get too much. You’re so brave for writing about this 💚
I think it’s really important to be authentic even if it sometimes makes others uncomfortable. The older I’ve gotten the easier it’s been to say and act the way I really think. I hope you feel the same way soon.
I feel you, I am tired of putting a front at work when I don’t have to. I know I work with kids but there are days where I am tired and just want a day off. But, I have to be happy for the kids.
I get exactly where you are coming from. You are not alone. if that makes you feel better. Hugs!
It is hard to be strong all the time…but please do not give up!
We all need support and downtime to rejuvenate our bodies and minds. Of course, it is important to ask for what we need and communication is the first best step; you are spot on.