I’m Tired of Always Having to Be Strong

33 Comments

I’m exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally. There really isn’t an adequate description for the weariness that lies within my bones.

I’m tired from being strong or rather acting strong. and from being everything to everyone else.

I never set out to be this type of women, yet it seems through the unrealistic expectations I have set in place for myself  (and partially due to society’s) and my inability to be willing to let others down, I now stand here worn-out, lost and wondering how I got here.

The biggest irony is that when others look at me, they see me as a strong, supportive and unwavering woman who is competent and able. Yet inside, I’m shaking. My inner core is shaking.

Everyone sees all that I have been through and are shocked at my seemingly strong stance on it all, but within, I’m broken.

I try daily to correct this. Every single day.

Yet, even with the dark circles and bags beneath my eyes, slumped shoulders and the very definition of exhaustion plastered across my face, I get up to take on another day. 

I take a deep breath. Everything will be OK. It always is.

I suppose that I have tried to create this persona of strength and self-sufficiency even before I was old enough to understand what being a strong, independent woman even meant. I think my past has helped define that for me. I have been through some things that will never bring themselves to the surface, yet those things have molded me into who I am today, both in positive and negative ways.

The truth is, everyone needs help. We try so hard to convince ourselves that we’re capable of handling everything including being a mother, a wife/spouse, a friend, an aunt, a daughter and career driven businesswoman so much so that we truly convince ourselves we can take it all on.
We can’t. We weren’t created to be able to take it all on.
 I am not Wonder Woman. Neither are you. We need to stop trying to convince ourselves that we are.
We all need to understand that there is absolutely no shame in needing someone. There is not fault in admitting that we can’t do is all by ourselves.
I’m tired of trying to live up to the idea that I can do it all. I’m simply tired of being strong all of the time. I’m tired of masking it.

I’m done with pretending that I am so formidable.

I want to be taken care of also. Not financially either. I want someone  who can hold me not matter the storm I trudged through that day without judgement.

I want to apologetically be me. The real me. The one with the messy  home. The one with the un-brushed hair and unpolished nails. The one wearing mismatched socks and still wearing yesterdays make-up.

I’m tired of playing the charade of feminism and what we “should” be.

 

I’m not downplaying who we are or what we rightfully deserve as a woman, but there is something to be said about wholeheartedly embracing who we are and what is only natural for us.

Instead of trying to just smash the glass ceiling and overcome what is unfortunately still working against myself and others, I want to be happy. I want to simply love and be loved for who I am.

I’ve always been great at wearing a veil to mask how I was truly feeling to the point that everyone eventually believed me.  But, what that did to me was open a sore within my heart that only backed up what I was already feeling. I needed to stop faking it.

I could only fake it for so long.

I’m done with it. I give up. Things will change. It has too.

 

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33 Comments

  1. I know exactly where you’re coming from. I’ve lived that contrast between feeling one certain way but then masking it so that I appear as being different from how I really feel. It’s emotionally draining. I’m so happy for you, for deciding to change it. Everyone does deserve to live their most authentic life.

  2. Love that you shared this. I relate to this SO much! Especially the mismatched socks and yesterdays make up! Ha! There is such a strong push to be put together in every way. I’m very much a “yes” kind of person. I will do just about anything for anybody that asks, but am never the one to ask for help. I think I need the people around me (my husband) to understand that and offer to help – so I can feel like a normal person. It can be a heavy weight if you’re only ever giving. But I think that when you share the real raw reality of you, people will love that too.

  4. Yessss love this – being our most authentic and genuine self (both “strong” and not) is the bravest and most energizing thing we can do!

  5. Love this. Very well written! I love the paragraph “I want to unapologetically be me…” (ps edit: apologetic change to UNapologetic 🙂 I know exactly how you feel. I finally crashed two years ago after working to appear strong and always the happy supportive friend, never needing anyone. After a while, letting go starts to feel really good. People will still love you! And you will feel free. Congrats on the decision! I don’t know why society has such weird expectations for how a home needs to look perfectly spotless – by definition, we live in it so of course it’s messy! I still haven’t figured out how to fix that one.

  7. Thank you for being so open and honest. So often we put up a strong front online for our readers, but ultimately it just hurts them by making them feel like they’re the only ones who feel this way. I’m sure this post will really help some people. PS – Hang in there, you’ve got this!

  8. Really good post, it rings so true. Yes, we can do a whole lot as women (and as people, in general), but we shouldn’t push ourselves over the brink, trying to get to everything and to have everything at the same time. We do need to be supproted and nurtured just as we support and nurture the ones in our lives, and that’s not weakness, it’s just reality.

  10. I’ve been finding myself in the same boat. I do know a select few that can see straight though me though. It’s always refreshing to be around then. It’s likw I can finally breathe.

  11. You have my respect. I as a man will be the 1st to say men can not do what women accomplish. Work, Children, more work at home. My wife feels exactly as you do.

  12. Thank you for sharing this! There are definitely days where I feel like the world is crashing down and I just want to give up. But it always gets better even if you dont think so in the moment

  13. I feel this all the time!! Sometimes I just want to be like LET ME BE I AM TIRED and I think sometimes we deserve to be that way!

  14. so much truth in these words! why do us women always have to shoulder this burden? even when i ask for help, somehow i still end up trying to do everything myself. Its hard to just say no when i know people are counting on me. we deserve some r and r though. sometimes you just have to stop

  15. Showing your vulnerability isn’t a sign of weakness. There are situations that we could show the vulnerabilities. After all, we are just humans. It’s okay to take a break.

    1. This breaks my heart and I can wholeheartedly relate. It’s difficult trying to be strong everyday and even I can be broken during those days. It’s ok to be real.

  18. They say, the best way to rest but still be productive is to simply slowdown. 🙂 Do the easy tasks first. 🙂

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