Reconnect with Your Spouse when Marriage Gets Hard

Marriage is hard. 

You’re tired of getting hurt.

You’re tired of feeling disappointment. The lack of follow-thru is taking it’s toll.

There are unmet expectations, harsh words, silence, sleepless nights and cold shoulders.

Resentment and bitterness start to set in, and slowly your heart starts to grow hard and cold.

How do you reconnect? How do you open up communication again?

Do you want to live a platonic and cold marriage for the rest of your life?

Whatever is negatively impacting your marriage, there are ways to work on getting your marriage back on track. You’ve got to be intentional about it though.

Sometimes  our careers, our children and the every day busyness of life takes precedence over your marriage. In order for a marriage to work, this cycle must end.

We all go through tough seasons, and sometimes it can be so difficult to reconnect. It can be  hard to rebuild and let go of the resentment that has built up over the past few weeks, months or years.

It’s up to you whether your relationship is growing or dying.

Here are eight ways to reconnect with your spouse when all seems lost.

Make time for Each Other

You must be intentional about making time for each other. It’s imperative to schedule time for you and your spouse without kids whether this means asking grandma and grandpa to watch the kids, hiring a babysitter or staying up late once the kids go to bed. Pursue that time together at whatever costs.

Laugh Together

Find time to laugh together. Snag some tickets to a comedy show. Jump onto YouTube and find videos that are sure to make you laugh. This might seem easy enough, but when was the last time you intentionally laughed together?

Get Physical and Intimate

Make time to be physically intimate with each other. This doesn’t necessarily mean sex, but rather laying around in each other’s arms, massages, or anything else that creates a physical intimacy with each other. It’s a very tangible way to connect with your spouse.

Set Goals and Dream Together

Dreaming together is a great way to connect with your spouse. Even if your dream seems impossible, it allows you to see into your spouse’s heart. It also gives you time to brainstorm and truly take in that dream and the possibilities of it. You never know how, when or if that dream will happen, but at least it’s on the table.

Hug it Out

When you feel disconnected with your spouse, hug them. It’s the easiest way to reconnect, and it can help melt away any bitterness or bad feelings. It helps you to reconnect and refocus.

Show Gratitude

When things get hard, take the time to compliment your spouse on the things you tend to take for granted. Let your spouse know how much you appreciate both the big and small things. Leave little notes, purchase little gifts or do little things that you know they’ll appreciate. Get out of your own way and take the time to show your spouse how much you appreciate all that they do for your family.

Talk about God

Talk about God. It helps to strengthen your spirit and allows you to connect faster because when you’re feeding your spirit, giving more grace and seeking more joy, you’re relationship will be better off. Seek His help, His guidance, His love and His support when marriage gets hard.

Communicate

This seems blatantly obvious, yet when things get hard, this is the first thing that removed from a relationship. When you’re mad, it’s difficult to talk without showing anger. If you’re hurt and upset, remove yourself from the situation. Give yourself a time-out.  Go for a walk or go meditate.  Do this before saying something or doing something you might later regret. Decide together to never go to bed angry. Talk it out. Not only will it lead to a resolution, but it’ll allow for better sleep and a fresh start the next day.  Also, try having a conversation before bed without the distraction of a TV or phone. Talk about your day, the week or whatever else is on your mind.

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I pray that these 8 ways to reconnect are helpful in helping you invest more in your marriage. When we choose not to reconnect and intentionally try to connect, we’re creating a space that can cripple a relationship. If you’re having a difficult time, ask God for help. Seek outside help. Take the time to think about the reason you got married and what you want your marriage to look like. Intentionally seeks ways to get back on track. This will lead to a healthier and stronger relationship.

 

If you’re seeking some help trying up conversation with your spouse, check out this post on 60 conversation questions to ask your spouse.