The Unseen Struggles of a Mom with a Deaf Child: Navigating Advocacy, Anxiety, and Resilience
When we arrived at a popular adventure park, I was excited to give my sons a day filled with fun and adventure – bouncing from one trampoline to the next, celebrating a friend’s birthday. They’d been looking forward to it all morning, barely able to contain their excitement. For the first hour or so, my youngest, who is deaf, was having the time of his life. Since he doesn’t wear his cochlear implants in trampoline parks to avoid the risk of them falling off and getting lost, I always make it a point to inform staff that he can’t hear without them.
As he wandered over to the dodgeball area, an employee began speaking to him. My son couldn’t read his lips clearly, so he looked over at me for help. I walked over, explained that my son is deaf and typically wears cochlear implants, but we leave them off in settings like this for safety. The employee nodded, but then I heard him say, “Oh, poor kid.” While he may have meant it sympathetically, those words highlighted the need for better awareness and education about how we speak to and about people with disabilities.
This interaction was a reminder of how much work remains to ensure that people with disabilities aren’t treated with pity, but rather with respect, understanding, and dignity.
As a parent, I find it disheartening – and sadly, common – to see my son treated as though he’s defined by his hearing loss, as though it’s a reason to feel sorry for him. By the time he was five, he had already felt the sting of bullying and exclusion, often exacerbated by people’s unintentional but misguided reactions. So, when someone says, “Oh, poor kid,” they’re reinforcing an idea that he’s “less than,” something that can weigh heavily on a child’s self-esteem.
We don’t need pity, and we don’t need others to project their assumptions onto our children. What we need is for people to see our kids for who they are – unique individuals with dreams, talents, and strengths that go far beyond any diagnosis or label. Hearing loss doesn’t hold my son back, and he proves this every day by participating, achieving, and just being the incredible person he is.
This experience brought to light a critical need: to educate and build empathy from a young age. Here are some suggestions for helping kids and adults alike foster genuine understanding and respectful interactions with those who may have different abilities:
1. Shift the Narrative from Pity to Respect
Instead of “poor kid,” how about, “That’s awesome he’s here! Let’s make sure he has a great experience.” This language acknowledges the individual without dwelling on their difference as something negative. Respect means seeing a person for their full self, abilities, challenges, and all.
2. Encourage Curiosity with Sensitivity
When kids encounter someone with a disability, they may have questions. Let’s normalize that curiosity and use it as a teaching opportunity. Adults can model how to ask questions kindly, like, “How do you like to communicate?” instead of assuming limitations.
3. Teach Empathy through Stories and Experiences
Kids’ shows, books, and games that include characters with disabilities can be powerful tools for empathy. These resources help children understand and accept diversity as a natural and beautiful part of life.
4. Avoid Labels Like “Special Needs” as Synonymous with “Can’t”
While some children may need specific accommodations, it doesn’t mean they can’t participate or enjoy activities to their fullest. Encourage children to understand that accommodations exist to provide fair access, not to create a distinction.
5. Involve Kids in Conversations About Inclusivity
Inclusion shouldn’t just be a concept but a practice. When children learn to include and respect their peers with differences, they build lifelong habits of empathy and understanding. Let’s teach them to see their classmates, teammates, and friends for who they truly are.
6. Celebrate Abilities, Not Disabilities
When someone is seen for their strengths, they feel valued and seen. My son has talents and gifts just like any other child. Celebrating his achievements and qualities instead of focusing on his deafness creates a positive environment for everyone.
This isn’t just about my son or other kids with hearing loss – it’s about creating a world where kids can grow up without the heavy burden of feeling “different” in a negative way. Let’s start today to build a more inclusive world, where kids with disabilities feel welcomed, respected, and appreciated for who they are – not “despite” their differences, but with a genuine embrace of all the amazing things they bring to our lives.
