Things My 3 Year Old Said

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I may be bias, but I truly feel that my child is the funniest child there is. This past year, I made it a point to record every little thing he said that made his father and I laugh. Now that he turns four in 10 days, I figured I’d share with you all this kids humor from the past year.

  • My poop looks like corn
  • That stupid truck is awesome
  • Me, after leaving the Zoo: “How long was the Giraffe’s tongue?” Him: “4780!”
  • The Ninja Turtles are sucking mom’s butt (Guys: I have no explanation for this one. Randomly said as I was tucking him into bed one night)
  • You tickle me, you’re not my best friend
  • Dad’s thingy is a killing machine (umm..what?)
  • Me: “Braxton, is that a tow truck?” Him: “No! It’s a flatbed truck” Me: “Oh man, I’m sorry. Thanks for correcting me” Him: “It’s ok. You can try again later”
  • Excuse me..weewee coming through. (As he’s marching to the bathroom)
  • Camels taste like cheese
  • My son, as I’m swerving to not hit a bird driving: “I don’t want to hear a bird pop under a tire-then we’re gonna have to get a new truck”
  • Me: “Braxton, why are you trying to pull the bricks up?” Him: “Because you guys think I’m weak.”
  • I’m gonna eat my fart
  • I can’t go on that ride because I need a ticket, but I don’t have a wallet
  • To Jason: “You’re not a father, you’re just a dad”
  • Daddy, my boobs are getting bigger likes yours (HAHAHAH)
  • Daddy, mommy..I have to deauce
  • The sun is following us
  • Braxton to Beckett as he’s rubbing his eyes, ” Did you know squirrels and chipmunks eat coconuts? Mom, what are coconuts?”
  • This hockey is making me crazy
  • After someone farted: “Dad hit his booty on the stairs and now there is a crack in it. It’s going to fall apart now”
  • After getting up from bed for like the 10th time: Me: “Braxton, what are you going?” Braxton: I just wanted to try on my slippers..” (He doesn’t own slippers)
  • My airhead tastes like chocolate, banana and vanilla with sprinkles
  • Liam is crazy, you should tell his mom
  • Brax was holding himself. Me: “Braxton, go to the bathroom!” Him: “I don’t have to. I was just making sure my wee wee was safe!”
  • Me: “Sorry you didn’t like the treats I made for Valentines Day” Brax: “It’s ok, you can make better ones next time”
  • On the way back from swimming with cousins, so completely random: “Mommy, did it hurt when the doctor’s took baby Beckett out of you? Did it hurt bad or just a little bit?”
  • Me: “Braxton, what do you want to wear for pictures on Friday?” Him: “Ummm, probably my policeman costume”
  • Me: “Braxton, pull up your pants.” Him: “Mom, makeup your face!”

Guys, I can’t make this stuff up. This kid says the most random, sometimes offensive and hilarious things. I hope he always has his personality, but perhaps filtering it a bit would be a good idea.

Can’t wait to hear what year FOUR has in store for Braxton jokes and humor!

What are some hilarious things your child has said?

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