The Ultimate Gift

Several months ago, Jason and I came to a unanimous decision that we were done having children. Our journey to parenthood was long, expensive and emotional. We both decided that we were content and very much happy with the little family we have. All of that said, we were then faced with deciding the fate of our remaining embryos. We had been paying to keep them frozen at our clinic for quite some time, but since we were done having children, we had no use for them.We had a few options as to what we could do with them:

• Destroy them: This was never an option for us. Those embryos were our “babies” and our hope of having children.
• Donate them: We were open to doing this, but we came to find out that our clinic would not accept them into their donor program because of the GJB2 gene that we carry.
  • If we donated them we could chose to donate them anonymously or having an open donation/adoption.

We decided that we wanted to donate them to someone we could to pick and get to know. Once we made that decision, the process started relatively quickly. I was connected with a woman on Facebook who got me in touch with an admin of a Facebook page that welcome embryo donors and those seeking embryos. We came up with a brief bio including information on ourselves, our embryos and what our expectations were for the process and those that would ultimately get involved in the process.

We posted our bio around 2 in the afternoon, and we got requests to learn more about our family almost instantly. It was so incredibly overwhelming, but knowing these families had no issues with the possibilities of these embryos carrying the GJB2 gene made me so incredibly happy.

We narrowed it down to two families. One family had a son who they were able to naturally conceive, but they had been trying for several years without luck. The other family had children, but the wife didn’t have biological children with her husband. He had two from a previous relationship. My heart broke for both of them, and also for all those who were also interested.

I scheduled a call with the first couple who had expressed interest, and a week or so later, Jason and I found ourselves nervously awaiting a call with this family who could potentially adopt our embryos. It was crazy to even think about, but once we started chatting with this couple, all of my fears melted away. It was as though we had known this couple our entire lives. The similarities between us were uncanny, and there was a familiarity with them that I could even begin to describe. We chatted for nearly two hours, and when we jumped off the call (and even before) we both knew they were the ones God wanted us to chose.

Godwinks. Those little hints or indicators of His presence. Placing that couple in our lives at this time with their background and story. I mean, oh my gosh, He is good. He knew exactly what He was doing in this situation. He knew my heart weighed heavily. My biggest fear being that a family would willingly adopt our embryos knowing their chances of having a child or multiple children who could potentially carrying the GJB2 gene that causes deafness, yet IF a child was born deaf, they’d feel as though they were burdensome. I just knew that this couple wouldn’t feel that way. Their faith and their profession tells me that they’d handle whatever was thrown their way because they were grateful. They were deserving of these embryos, and I was so incredibly confident that this was a fit.

We completed the necessary paperwork, and BAM our embryos were no longer ours, but they were theirs. It brought both relief and grief, but those emotions are so common for a situation like this.

In July, the embryo mom started her fertility treatment and medications. She kept us updated throughout, and at the end of August-the day after Beckett’s Cochlear Implant surgery, they transferred two beautiful embryos.

I prayed long and hard for a successful transfer. I prayed for the doctors performing the transfer. I prayed for the embryos to snuggle in and stick around for the long haul. I prayed for calmness for the mother and father, and I prayed for peace for Jason and I.

What a pivotal moment in our life. It’s still very much a pivotal moment or moments in our life, because they’re pregnant with TWINS!

You guys. I cannot even begin to express what an absolute incredible journey this has been. Don’t get me wrong, some days we get sad knowing that we will have two biological children a few states way, but we have a phenomenal relationship with our embryo recipient mom and dad, and we know that we get the opportunity to be involved in a way.

I know some of our family and friends had a hard time understanding why we would donate our embryos, and that’s totally OK. We made this decision because we went through infertility. We suffered, at first, in silence. We went through painful and uncomfortable treatment, we experienced unimaginable loss, we spent thousands and thousands of dollars, cried so many tears and prayed a thousand prayers hoping for children for FIVE years.

Fortunately we have two beautiful sons, but our hearts broke for others who suffer a journey similar to ours.  We wanted to help. We wanted to bless someone else with the miracle of life. A blessing of a baby or two or more maybe.

Our babies are in great hands, and I thank God every day for placing this perfect family into our lives.

These beautiful babies are due to make their grand entrance in May 2019, and I am ecstatic for this family to have their little blessings in their arms. We will not be revealing the gender of the twins just yet as we are letting the parents announce it first. 🙂

I pray that our friends and family keep this family in their prayers.

Xo,

Dani & Jason