Let’s Talk About It: Our Decision to Donate our Embryos
First and foremost, I want people to understand that just because we decided to donate embryos, it does not mean that we were ‘giving up on our babies’.
Inconsiderate comments have been made and judgement passed surrounding our decision to donate our remaining six embryos, so I wanted to clear a few things up.
When Jason and I decided that having more children was not the route we wanted to go, we were faced with an unimaginable decision. What would be the fate of our remaining six embryos? We knew that we couldn’t keep them frozen forever yet we also knew we couldn’t afford to keep trying fertility treatments nor afford additional children resulting from treatment. We couldn’t imagine destroying them simply because our family was complete. Our only remaining option was to give them up for adoption-embryo adoption.
The years of tears, medication, frustration, pain and loss hit me like a ton of bricks at this realization. I’m sure it hit Jason pretty hard as well. We both knew that there was a deserving family out there praying for their miracle(s)-fighting for their opportunity to become parents.
I’d be lying if we didn’t feel an overwhelming sense of guilt. We still do to an extent, and I’m not sure that will ever go away. How could we let another family give birth to and raise our biological children? Would those children grow to understand that we made our decision out of love? Our hearts hurt, and we questioned whether we could find it within ourselves to be selfless.
After praying about it and talking through it, we decided that we would move forward with donating our remaining embryos. We were fortunate to match with a couple relatively close to us who had been trying to grow their family for several years without luck following the birth of their first child.
We weren’t comfortable with a closed adoption, because we wanted these children to have access to their full medical history. We wanted them to know where they came from. We wanted to see what they would look like and allow them the possibility that if one day they wanted to meet their extended family, with their parents permission and blessings, they’d have the option to meet their brothers. We also wanted them to know that they were wanted, which is why we made the decision that we did. We could have easily dismissed them and been done with this journey by destroying them, but that simply wasn’t an option. It was never an option.
Parenthood is an incredible privilege that is unfairly denied to many, so we wanted someone else to be able to enjoy the pure joy of easing someone else’s heartache by giving them life.
We were fortunate enough to match with the perfect family who conceived twin girls their first transfer.
Jason and I truly feel that this decision was the right one because it gave us the necessary closure we needed. I think there is an understandable sadness associated with this decision, yet there is also so much joy. We gave the opportunity of life to a family who we were simply captivated by and felt drawn to help. Thank you God for that perfect match. It’s hard to imagine someone else giving birth to and raising our genetic children, but we praise them for their willingness to unselfishly take the opportunity with such grace, love and support.
That all said, here are 5 reasons to consider donating your embryos for those considering it.
It’s an amazing opportunity to help a couple have or grow their family: The opportunity to help another family start or grow their family was something we simply could not ignore. We wanted someone else to feel the joy around having children and becoming parents.
Make a lasting impact: Our decision to donate our embryos has made a lasting impact on so many people including the recipients. We have spoken very publicly about our experiences so that others might understand.
It’s truly a life changing experience: I think one of the most incredible aspects of our journey is the amount of things we learned through this process and experience. We learned more about our strength, resiliency, faith and selflessness than we ever thought possible.
Be an advocate: As an embryo donor, we are blessed with the opportunity to advocate for others going through infertility, loss and donation/adoption. We were able to share our journey and let complete strangers know that they are not alone. We wanted others to experience the joy associated with the process and inspire others to not give up. We are proud to have been on this journey.
You are part of a puzzle: You basically become part of a beautifully designed puzzle. As an embryo donor, you feel as though you are truly needed and appreciated by being an important puzzle piece for another family puzzle. It’s truly a beautiful and incredible experience.
There are probably several more reasons to consider donating your embryos, but for us, one of the best feelings from their experience was truly understanding how we were positively impacting someone else’s world.
We’d like to thank our embryos recipients for allowing us to be part of this beautiful experience, and we wish them the best on their journey! They welcome two little girls into the world yesterday. Pray for them and their new additions to their family.
If you’d like to read more about when and how we found our recipients, check out this post titled the ‘Ultimate Gift’.
I never understood about embryos when i was a student of biology in school, but thanks to your post that I now know details about embryos. And yes great decision by you guys! Happy parenting!
I think your decision is extremely selfless.
Wow this is such a great post! Definitely something not everyone wants to talk about but so amazing for you to do it and to donate them.
What a tough decision to make and such a personal experience to write about. It’s such a difficult process to go through in the first place !
Thanks for being transparent about your process. That takes courage.
Great decision to take its take lots of courage and good heart,talking about it openly is great gesture from your side.Happy parenting!
I think what you did was brave and great…i know it must have been hard to give up your embryos but the gift that you gave another family is amazing.
You are very courageous to be an embryo donor, very selfless that I wish I could be this selfless. Thank you for impacting in the recipient’s life, I know how it feels to be childless because my elder sister passed through that stage and I must say it wasn’t easy, people mocked us so much but then God has the final say. Thanks for sharing.
You are very courageous to be an embryo donor, very selfless that I wish I could be this selfless. Thank you for impacting in the recipient’s life, I know how it feels to be childless because my elder sister passed through that stage and I must say it wasn’t easy, people mocked us so much but then God has the final say. Thanks for sharing.
I’m so sorry that you’re sister went through that. It’s tough.
Wow what a selfless thing to do. Thank you for sharing such a personal story with us too x
I think this is so brave and courageous
First time to hear that one could donate their embryos. Gained a new knowledge from your article.
For the last couple years I’ve been saying I wanted to do exactly that or at least be surrogate to help other families after I’ve had all my kids. It makes me happy knowing I could help another family.
Awesome. I think you’re even considering doing something like that is so incredibly selfless.
I think it’s great that you two decided to donate your embryos. It’ll truly be something special for those that end up getting a child.
I think it is important to educate woman the choices they can choose when dealing with their embryos. And that it is not a bad thing to donate them. We lose them already, so why donate them before that.
This is a wonderful gift that will bring others joy. Thank you for being so considerate and for sharing the joy of parenthood.
It is a sweetest gesture and decision you made and I admire you for that. It might be unconventional but it doesn’t matter.
I think that your decision to donate is amazing and worth sharing…you are helping another family and nothing about that deserves criticism
I am sure it takes courage and faith to do what you did. Kudos!
I applaud you for making this decision, but I don’t think I could make that decision myself. I know it’s helping others, but I know it’s my dna and it’s supposed to be my baby.
I’m not a parent, but it’s my biggest dream and I just couldn’t bare the thought of letting someone raise what is essentially my child. I’d actually rather destroy the embryos because I’m just that selfish.
I think what you did was extremely brave and full of purpose- both in creating new life, sharing it with others who were not able to, and then publicly telling your story here. I can understand how you may have received mixed remarks, since sensitive subjects often will stir them up. But as far as I can see, your journey here was not easy, and the closure of it brought a new, happy beginning for many others.
Congratulations on choosing life for your children. We have also chose to donate our embryos because I believe it is the right thing to do. In my opinion life at all stages is important and even the smallest life is worth helping along. I hope your children will thank you one day for giving them such a great gift. The gift of growing and living. 🙂 Maybe one of them will be a doctor and save many more lives!
This is very helpful and an important piece of information for other mothers to read. There is a great need for such donations so I applaud your decision.