The Weight and Beauty of Donating Our Embryos
First and foremost, I want people to understand that just because we decided to donate our embryos, it did not mean we were “giving up on our babies.”
Over the years, there have been comments, assumptions, and judgment surrounding our decision to donate our embryos, so I wanted to share our story more honestly and openly.
When Jason and I decided that growing our own family further was no longer the path we wanted to take, we were suddenly faced with a decision that felt impossible: what would happen to our remaining embryos?
We knew we couldn’t keep them frozen forever. We also knew we emotionally, physically, and financially could not continue fertility treatments or raise additional children ourselves. But we also couldn’t imagine destroying them simply because our family felt complete.
That left us with one remaining option: embryo donation.
Even typing those words still feels emotional.
The years of infertility, medications, injections, heartbreak, loss, waiting, procedures, and prayers came rushing back the moment we realized we had to make this decision. We knew somewhere out there was another family desperately praying for the same miracle we had once prayed for ourselves.
And if I’m being honest, there was guilt too.
How do you process another family giving birth to and raising your biological children? How do you explain that to yourself? To your children? Would those babies one day understand that the decision was made entirely out of love?
Our hearts hurt over it for a long time.
But after countless conversations, tears, prayers, and soul-searching, we decided to move forward with embryo donation because deep down, we knew these embryos deserved a chance at life and another family deserved the opportunity to become parents.
We also knew we were not comfortable with a closed adoption. We wanted any future children to have access to their medical history. We wanted them to know where they came from. We wanted openness, honesty, and the possibility for connection someday if everyone involved desired that.
And most importantly, we wanted them to know they were deeply wanted.
Destroying them was never an option for us. Not once.
The beautiful thing about this journey is that what initially felt heartbreaking slowly transformed into something incredibly meaningful.
We have now donated embryos twice, and those donations have resulted in three beautiful little girls.
Three little lives.
Three answered prayers.
Three families forever connected in the most unique and emotional way.
And now, we are currently in the process of donating our remaining two embryos.
I had forgotten just how emotionally overwhelming this process can be.
You don’t want to make the wrong decision.
You don’t want to unintentionally shatter someone’s dreams if you choose one family over another.
You pray the embryos survive.
You pray they stick.
You carry the weight of knowing how desperately people want this opportunity because you once lived that same desperation yourself.
It’s messy.
It’s emotional.
It’s beautiful.
And it’s incredibly hard all at the same time.
People often assume embryo donation is some simple, straightforward decision, but it isn’t. It asks you to hold grief and joy in the same hand. There is sadness in closing a chapter of your own story, while simultaneously feeling overwhelming gratitude that someone else may finally get their beginning.
For us, embryo donation became about something bigger than ourselves.
It became about giving hope.
Giving opportunity.
Giving life.
And despite all the complicated emotions that come with it, we truly believe it was the right decision for our family.
One of the greatest gifts in this journey has been witnessing firsthand the impact these decisions have had on others. Knowing that another family gets bedtime stories, birthday parties, first steps, laughter, and unconditional love because of these embryos is something difficult to fully put into words.
That kind of perspective changes you forever.
For anyone currently considering embryo donation, here are a few things I would want you to know:
1. It can help create or grow a family.
There are families out there silently carrying the heartbreak of infertility every single day. Embryo donation can provide an opportunity they may never otherwise have.
2. It leaves a lasting impact.
This decision doesn’t just affect recipients. It changes donors too. It changes the way you view life, love, sacrifice, and humanity.
3. It is emotional — more emotional than people realize.
There is no “easy” part of this process. Even when you know it’s the right decision, it can still hurt. That doesn’t make it wrong.
4. It allows you to advocate for infertility awareness.
Infertility, loss, IVF, and embryo donation are often whispered about in silence. Sharing our story has allowed us to remind others they are not alone.
5. It is one of the most selfless and beautiful things we have ever experienced.
Not because we are extraordinary people, but because we understand what it feels like to pray for a child.
At the end of the day, embryo donation gave us closure, purpose, and perspective in ways we never expected.
And while there will probably always be a small ache attached to these decisions, there is also overwhelming joy knowing that somewhere in this world are little girls laughing, growing, and loved beyond measure.
To the families who trusted us enough to walk this journey alongside them: thank you.
And to anyone currently walking through infertility, loss, or impossible decisions of your own — I see you. I know how heavy it feels. And I also know how much hope can still exist in the middle of heartbreak.
