I Hear You

My heart is weary

and anxious with guilt.

Hours of surgery

without me no doubt

Am I making the right decision?

Am I a bad mother?

How severe will the pain be

that he is to endure?

Will he remember it?

Will he resent me for

making this decision for him?

Will he grow to hate me?

Or will he love me?

The fear of making a wrong decision

is very much real.

The fear of judgement being passed

is very much real.

Oh the things I’ve heard

as a mother of a deaf child

Will he ever hear?

Will he ever be “normal?”

He’s considered handicapped, you know?

It’s a shame he’s disabled.

Are you worried about his development?

Don’t you feel guilty about his surgery?

Do you think you’re making the right decision?

Are all questions and comments I hear

Every. Damn. day

I hear you. I hear you all, loud and clear.

Oh, the momma guilt is real.

I’m in an unknown territory

as this is all new to me.

I’m doing the best I can

now, in this very moment.

Can I just live? Can we just live?

Can you just pray for our sweet boy.

Peace. That’s what we ask for.

Acceptance. That’s what we need.

Less judgement. That’s what we deserve.

Prayer. To calm our anxious hearts.

Clarity. For when doubt takes over.

I hear you.