Things my Four Year Old Says
Every year I write down the random, obnoxious and hilarious things my son says. I, honest to God, think he is the most hilarious person I have ever meet, and there is no doubt a career in entertainment is in his future.
Some of the things he says aren’t always appropriate so before all the mom-shamers start dissecting my as a parent, I’m gonna tell you right now that I’m not interested in your feedback. My son will only be little once, and for now I’m taking in all of his ridiculously entertaining, beyond-his-years dialect as I can.
Here are the things my son said while he was four. Enjoy!
At the dinner table:
“Momma, do you remember that Troll movie?”
“Yes, why?”
“ Oh nothing. It was awful.” -Brax
Me: “happy birthday big boy”
Brax: “happy birthday big momma”
Brax: “momma, what do you wanna do for your birthday?”
Me:” idk buddy”
Brax: “wanna go fishing??” -we’ve never gone fishing
Me: “No”
While tucking him in:
“Mom, are you gonna squirt me with your milk in my eye?”
“No”
“How about on my butt?”
“What? No!”
“How about in my butt?
“No.”
“What about on my owie?”
“No! Goodnight Braxton.”
“Daddy, I want milkey!” Brax says as he lunges toward Jason’s bare chest.
“Mom, you shouldn’t be driving. I should be driving.”
“Brax, you’re four.”
“ No, I’m 16!”
“Momma?! Did you know that spit is slobber?”
“Does ranch melt?”
“Braxton, is your brother ok?” (Supposed to be watching him for a minute)
“Yea, he doesn’t have any cuts”
“Um, great thanks buddy”
“Braxton, why are you so obsessed with me?”
“Because I love you momma.”
“My butt looks like a signature sucking up the crystals”…what?
“I’ll get you in the drippy”
“Maybe they’re snake tulips”
“I’m starving to be crazy”
“Eww mom, there’s a stink bug!”
“Ok, buddy, I’ll grab it later.”
“No! Let daddy get it! It’s a daddy issue!”
..I’m not going to argue with him
“I’m the ultimate dragon power master.”
“Mom I hope that bird at Austin’s came to life bc it was so so hurt and Rich said poor fellow..”
“She’s incredi-amazing”…clearly wasn’t about me. He was talking about Wonder Woman
“Beck, why are you so amped up?? “-me to Beckett walking out of church
“Because he’s an asshole….”
“Great, we can’t ever step back to this church again”
“No one’s taking my beautiful hair”
“Oh yay you said it, baby !”
Me: “Brax, what did you do today?”
Brax: “I was chasing girls around”
Me: “Oh, great so it begins!”
Brax: “We were chasing them with shovels!!” 😳
J: “Your brother is probably trying to figure out what he’s looking at”
Brax: “he’s looking at me, ya bozo!”
Braxton spit out a piece of his grilled cheese because there was a “chicken bone” in it.
We pulled up next to an ambulance and I told Brax we were next to one. He said I don’t see any signage”
“Mom, is there blood in my noise?” I told him we all have blood in our nose. “ I’m asking because I’m always picking my nose!!”
Brax: “oh sh*t!” After dropping something.
Me: “What did you just say?!”
Brax: “Ocean”
Me……well played😂
“Have you seen the girl with the handcuffs and the little man…”-what?!
“Whatcha thinking ‘bout Chinatown?”
On the way home from daycare, Braxton asked for hot cocoa once we got home.
Me: “Sure buddy. How many marshmallows do you want?”
Braxton: “Maybe 20?!”
Me: “That’s kind of a lot, don’t ya think?”
Braxton: “Yay, if I eat that many, I might get diabetes…”
Me: …..
“Don’t do anything, or I’ll haunt your dreams” (me, I surrender!)
“There’s so much to do no thanks to you”
Following his bath: “did you know my wiener is my ass” followed by “my butt is my asshole”
“Mom, why is ketchup called ketchup…”
My son turns 5 on Monday, so there are still a few days left where he might say something else totally crazy, but have no fear, I’ll be sure to add it. What’s the wildest thing your four year old has said?
